Green vs Purple: The Toon Gulch Chronicles Book 1
by ActiveX2012
Summary: In the year 2552, two teams, the Greens, led by Pvt. Ben Tennyson, and the Purples, led by Sgt. Chris McLean, are at Civil War. Who will win? What will happen? Probably nothing, but you know, a great author must keep them wanting. parody of Red vs Blue
1. Chapter 1

**BUCKSKYWALKER2012 PRESENTS**

Metallic voice: In the year 2552

Subtitle: **In the year 2552**

Metallic voice: In the last year of the Covenant invasion of the outer planets

Subtitle: **In the last year of the Covenant invasion of the outer planets**

_scene changes to a man in red clothing running, followed by many soldiers_

Metallic voice: A hero arose,a plumber known only by the name, Mario

Subtitle: **A hero arose, a plumber known only by the name, Mario**

_Scene changes to Mario standing on a barren planet in space_

Metallic voice: He led the Covenant to the edge of space, to a ringworld, called Halo

Subtitle: **He led the Covanant to the edge of space, to a ringworld, called Halo**

_Scene changes to Mario standing atop a pile of dead aliens_

Metallic voice: It was on Halo that Mario learned of the grand plan of the Covenant Armada

Subtitle: **It was on Halo that Mario learned of the grand plan of the Covenant Armada**

Metallic voice: To destroy humanity and it's homeworld, Earth.

Subtitle: **To destroy humanity and it's homeworld, Earth**

_Scene changes to Mario punching a humanoid alien_

Metallic voice: Using the defenses of Halo, he destroyed the ringworld, and the Covenant Armada along with it.

Subtitle: **He destroyed the ringworld, and the Armada along with it**

Metallic voice: The invasion was over.

_Scene changes to an alien hiding behind a shield_

Metallic voice: Unknown to the people of Earth, the Covenant were planning to return

Subtitle: **But it's hard to keep a good alien down**

_Scene changes to a green armored soldier punching a purple armored soldier_

Metallic voice: But in the time between the first and second Covenant invasion, there was a bried, but violent period, of civil war.

Subtitle: **Meanwhile, a bunch of dudes got really pissed off**

_Scene changes to two soldiers holding flags, the purple one holding a green flag,and the green one holding a purple flag._

Subtitle: **And they totally started wailing on each other**

Metallic voice: Man vs man, Green vs Purple.

Subtitle: **What a bunch of dicks**

Metallic voice: This is the story of-

Ben Tennyson: Okay, what is that?

Subtitle: **I'm paraphrasing, this intro is to freakin' long**

Ben: Well, don't, ah, look. I read what's in the script, and you type whatever I say

Ben: Just type whatever I say

Subtitle: **Just type whatever I say**

Ben: No, don't type everything I say, just what's in the damn…

Subtitle: **Not everything… just duh duh duh… dur dur dur...**

Ben: That's not funny

Subtitle: **You're such an ass bite**

Ben: Okay, look, that is… just… take that off because number one, that's offensive, and number two, I am not an ass bite. Seriously, I'm not an ass bite.

_Fade to black_

Ben: Just put up the freakin' logo, okay.

**GREEN VS PURPLE: THE TOON GULCH CHRONICLES**

**COMING SOON**

Ben: Assholes.

Subtitle: **Ass bite.**


	2. Episode 1: Why are we here?

One day, in a large box canyon, two soldiers, one in light purple armor, one in blue armor, stood on the roof of a peculiarly placed army base. The blue one had blue armored spikes and was somewhat smaller than the purple soldier.

"Hey," the light purple soldier, Waluigi, said.

"Yeah?" replied the blue soldier, Sonic.

"Did you ever wonder why we're here?"

"That's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it. Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God, watching over us with a plan for us and stuff? I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night." There was a long pause after Sonic had finished talking.

Waluigi broke the silence. "What? I meant why are we out here, in this canyon?"

"Oh, uh… I dunno. "

"What was all that stuff about God?"

"… Hm? Nothing."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously," Waluigi continued. "Why are we here? I mean, as far as I can tell, it's just some box canyon in the middle of nowhere, no way in or out."

"Yeah,"

"The only reason that we have a Purple base here, is that they set up a Green base over there, and the only reason that they have a Green base over there, is that we have a Purple base here."

"Yeah," Sonic said. "That's because we're fighting each other."

"If we were to pull out today, and they took over our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-de-frickin'-do."

"I know!" Sonic ranted. "I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens, or some madmen, like Eggman, but instead, that guy Mario blows up a whole alien armada, and now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of Green guys."

Meanwhile, two more armored soldiers were standing on a ridge, watching the two through the scope of a sniper.

"What are they doing?" the yellow-green armored soldier, Luigi asked.

"What?" The bright green armored soldier, Ben, responded.

"I said, what are they doing?"

"God damn, I am so frickin' sick of answering this question!"

"Hey, you're the one with the frickin' sniper rifle, I can't see shit, so don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick."

"Look," Ben sighed. "They're just standing there, talking. That's all they ever do, is just stand there, and talk. That's what they were doing last month, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago, so five minutes from now, when you ask me 'what are they doing' my answer is still going to be, they're still just standing there, and they're still just talking." There was a pause.

"What are they talking about?" Luigi asked finally.

"You know what? I frickin' hate you."

"Talk about a waste of resources," Sonic ranted. "We should be out there, finding new and intelligent forms of life, and fight them."

"Yeah, no shit! That's why they should put us in charge."

"Hey!" came a voice from outside the base. Sonic and Waluigi turned to see a soldier in purple armor staring at them. It was their commander, Chris McLean. "Front and center, on the double!"

"Crap!" Waluigi muttered.

"Yes sir!" Sonic said.


End file.
